


Mishearing Mishsaps

by HollyElizaann



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dad!Tony Stark, Kid Peter Parker, Kids don't know how to talk very well and It makes for funny times, M/M, Mishearing kid speak, dad!Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:46:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22079431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollyElizaann/pseuds/HollyElizaann
Summary: Everything was fine until three year old Peter Parker came running into the living room and said something no one was expecting. But hey, what can he say, he's three! It wasn't even bad. At least he didn't think it was bad. And Why is everyone trying to not laugh and Daddy yelling at Uncle Clint?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 241





	Mishearing Mishsaps

**Author's Note:**

> So before we get into this, I want to say this is something my three year old niece said to her mom and me one day and this is very much based on that. What Peter says, she really said to us and I swear we couldn't stop laughing and all I could imagine was the Avengers shocked faces.

“DICK A WHORE!”

The whole room stopped and froze. The team was hanging out in the middle of the communal level of the tower, Tony and Steve’s three year old son, running around between playing with all the Avengers and his playroom on the level, the kid had been pretty occupied, much to his thankful fathers. At least they were until their son ran into the middle of the room and say that very sentence. The team all wore collective looks of shock on their faces as Peter looked around so innocently.

“Barton I swear to God I’m going to murder you for corrupting my son.” Tony growls.

“Me?” Clint raises an eyebrow at the billionaire. “Let’s be honest that’s something more you would say! Also something you’ve probably done.” He smirks as the brunette glared at the man. If looks could kill, Clint would be ten fet under in a block of cement at that point.   
  
“Daddy! Papa! Dick a Whore! Wanna Dick a whore!” Peter says to the both of them incessantly. Tony looks at his husband like he’s seconds from having a legitimate heart attack. Steve, despite his face turning a light shade of pink- though it was unclear about the word or the fact his three year old son said it- looks rather calm. It was always scary to see him so seemingly stoic. Biting his lip with a small-yet confused- smile, Steve leaned down and beckoned Peter forward.  
  
“Peter...” He says slowly, kneeling down to be more eye level and taking the young boys hands in his. “What are you trying to say to Daddy and Papa? Where did you hear that?” Peter points straight to the TV.  
  
“Barton! You’re the only one who’s been caught watching Porn in here!” Tony growls  
  
“First off that was _one_ time! And It was only because of that stupid prank war we had going on! Second, I’ve caught you too Tony!”  
  
“My Tower! I pay for everything here! I could walk around naked if I wanted!” Tony huffs

"Please don't do that." Clint groans. "The _only_ one who wants to see that is Steve."

Peter giggles out “Daddy Nakey and dick a whore.” He giggles more and Steve looks up at Tony with a raised eyebrow to say ‘you’re not helping’ before looking back at Peter. “Lets go Dick whores!” The child squeals with glee and then sudden realization dawns on Steve. He chuckles and ruffles the boys hair.  
  
“Yeah? That’s why you wanna go do buddy?” He smiles and Peter nods. “Do you have the supplies you need?” Peter’s face furrows a bit. “Well go in your room and see if you can find them.” He watches the boy run off before chuckling, standing up.

“Steve…” Tony says slowly “I really hope you figured out what our _three year old_ son was trying to say and didn’t encourage him to-”  
  
“Anthony if you even _think_ about finishing that sentence You’re sleeping on the couch _and_ I’m divorcing you.” Steve says with the Captain America Firmness slipping into his voice. “Did you really not get what he wanted? Bruce has been watching nature documentaries all day.”  
  
“Yeah and?”  
  
“ ** _Dig a hole_**.” Steve says slowly and an air of realization dawns over the group before they erupt in laughter. “Tony, Peter was telling us he wants to dig a hole. Not… What it sounded like. Though you get to work on him saying it correctly.”  
  
“Why me?” The husbands just share a look, Steve quirking his eyebrow just so. “Fine It’ll be me.”

“Will a poon help dick a whore?” Peter comes back with a giant serving spoon. “I can’t find a sovel.” Steve bites his lip, as everyone tries to hold in their laughter.   
  
“Come with me my little arachnid.” Natasha says unfolding herself from the couch where Clint was taking up most of it. “I have a few on the roof with my garden and you can dig all the holes you want.”  
  
“All da whores?!” Peter looks up wide eyed.

Natasha just picks him up and says “All the holes.” She carries him away. “Now lets work on your speech as we dig okay?”  
  
“Dick!” Peter’s voice travels down the hall back to the living room, where they all break out in laughter.


End file.
